I'm so bored it scares me, I don't have anything to do at work but I cant say anything cos they'll think there's not enough work for one person to do the job that I do. Its one other reason I started this blog, there are only so many places you can visit on the web at work without getting caught!

I work in a university General Staff office, there are four of us here and someone sits at my back, as long as were not looking around we don't really notice each other but we can see the others computer screen so I'm always afraid that she'll catch me looking at stuff... It really sucks! I have to be sneaky and sometimes I don't catch it in time and it'll be totally obvious.

I'm lucky that its not really such a big deal... I'm not going to get fired over it, but I'm only casual and I'm trying to get a permanent position so it doesn't look good when they catch me surfing around like I don't have any work to do... Which I don't really. Sometimes I do but I don't want to do it!


sigh.... :(


I hate my life sometimes, I don't do anything... I don't drink, I don't go to clubs, I don't take drugs, I'm trying not to smoke (I only smoke around my fiance's oldies cos they do) I don't have any money cos it all goes on bills and loan repayments, I don't own a house - I rent a tiny unit from my parents for peanuts but it still sucks to pay the rent. We're getting married this October so all our money is going on that, I have a credit card bill that keeps growing and growing (tho its not as bad as some people's debt).

I'm working out in the gym, we even have a personal trainer to help us reach our weight loss goals for the wedding - he's not cheap either. Oh and I'll tell you what's defintatly not cheap - ballroom dancing lessons. Yup that's right for the past 8 months we've been taking lessons, they cost more than the personal trainer. But they're so much fun, its really hard and it takes a while get become comfortable with it.

The Gym is suprisingly good too, I feel good as I walk out of there, I can bounce down the stairs. I have trouble bouncing up the stairs tho :). I'm not obscenely fat, doctors would call me obese but I don't think of myself like that. I'm overweight sure, I weigh just under 100KG don't know how many pounds that is.

I'm really scared that I'll look back on my wedding photo's and despise what I see or that I'll never want to look at them because I cant stand the sight of myself. My dress will hide most of it, its got a poofy skirt but the top is strapless so my flabby grandma arms and flabby double chin (its not a double chin but its getting close!) will stand out like dogs balls every time I look at them.

I DON'T WANT THAT! I cant express to you how much I don't want that to happen and then I go and eat a piece of chocolate mousse cake! I swear I only did that cos the rest of the girls in the office were having one and I felt sooooo bad and soooo sick afterwards I'll never do it again.... and oooh I could go some of that right now....*drool*.... NO! MUST.... Maintain..... Willpower!!